Just so you know, I'm not talking about the workplace, I'm talking about a relationship.Why do transsexuals think it's okay not to tell their partners?
internalized tranaphobia. and, yes...it is quite deceitful...and very dangerous.
most violence against young transwomen comes as a result of being 'found out' instead of being open and honest about themselves to potential partners.
transsexuals are not exempt from the old cliche; ';honesty is the best policy.';
much love and hope. pjWhy do transsexuals think it's okay not to tell their partners?
One troll picking another troll for Best Answer. Get a clue, she's the crazy aunt that lives in the attic. She's got major issues she needs to work on with a therapist because she thinks a medical condition is an identity.
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We aren't the ones with a problem, it's society and it's bigotry and refusal to accept scientific fact: http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/peopl鈥?/a>
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Because we do not want to be added to this list . . .
http://www.rememberingourdead.鈥?/a>
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The asker must be one of the affirmed transsexual morons troll accounts.
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Sorry about your dead. But just as transsexuals should have the right to live without fear, so should straight ppl who would be psychologically damaged by unknowingly having a relationship with a trans-person. Honesty %26amp; respect for both sides please. Callin me a troll just ain't lady-like.
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You talk about ';honesty and respect'; when you give us neither. Did you even read my answer? I gave a complete explanation of this topic in depth. You need to realize your own bias against us and also admit this is much more complex than you think.
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Maybe their scared that their partners won't love them anymore.
Just being honest im not sure i would want to stay with my husband if i found that out...I would feel like i didn't know who he is to began with ya know....and also in this society transexuality isn't excepted that much.
Maybe because they think they'll be judged because they used to be a man/woman and essentially unhappy with what they were so maybe that's another reason for them not to mention it since they must hate the thought of who they used to be.
It would only be dishonest if their partner asked them about it and they denied it in my opinion.
Plus it's more important to love someone for who they are rather than what they are so it's really their own choice whether or not they mention it.
Because they're worried that their partner will leave them and not love them anymore if they know.
Cuz their scared of rejection. my freind is a trans-girl and she's a latina. she never gets into a relationship without tellin da guy. why? cuz she no that its dangerous. there was another latina girl who didnt tell some guy she was dating then he found out and his crew gunned her down in a drive by.
if u want a relashunship u shud be honest. if hes the right guy 4 u then he will still axcept u. if he dont axcept u then your wasting your time and when he finds out you might end up ded. i respect my freidn first cuz shes going thru transision and secondly cuz she dont lie.
Quote: ';How comes some transsexuals think it's okay to date someone and not disclose the fact that they changed gender?';
Perhaps because it isn't true.
NO-ONE changes gender; it's not possible. Transsexual people correct their bodies, and their social presentation, to MATCH their gender.
But I'll answer the meaning of the question, rather than the wording.
First of all, I need to say that I am 'out' in my own community, I'm lesbian, and I'm in a long-term relationship, so I don't personally have to worry about this issue.
However, (unlike some) I AM aware of my position of relative safety,and of privilege, and I've met, counselled, and patched-up enough trans women who are none of these things to understand that they don't have that privilege; and to realise that I don't have the right to tell them what they should do in this situation. I'm not going to be the one who is alone in a room, in a vulnerable state, hoping that my partner won't try to kill me because HE can't handle who I am.
So I'll say this;
Whether you're dating her or not, YOU don't have the ';right'; to know that a woman is, or is not, transsexual, and she is under NO obligation to tell you. That has nothing to do with 'dishonesty' or 'deceit' or 'shame'; it's quite simply none of your business UNLESS she chooses to tell you.
If she loves you, cares for you, and trusts you, she WILL tell you; she will expose herself to the risk that you harbour some ignorant prejudices about trans people (Here's a thought; YOU don't feel the need to explain to your potential sex partners that you're NOT transsexual. Perhaps you should consider doing so, and see how it feels, and what reaction you get).
As with anyone coming out to you, you should be HONOURED that they trust you enough to make themselves this vulnerable. You should be honoured that, in a world where trans people are often violently attacked 鈥?including by partners discovering they are trans, this person loves you, cares about you and trusts you enough to be told this.
It is not reasonable or acceptable for someone to be upset at dating a trans person. There is nothing wrong with dating a trans person. There is no REASON to be upset about discovering your date or partner is trans.
Nor, in a world that is grossly and violently transphobic, is it acceptable for you to expect every trans person to disclose the fact they are trans before dating them. Why is it relevant? You like them, you鈥檙e dating them, you enjoy being with them 鈥?why does there being trans change this?
Diane said it all. I concur.
Sadly because the ones who think it's OK are immoral beings. In answer to your questions: yes, it is dishonest to the nth degree and I guess they must truly be self-loathing to hide what they are. Perhaps they can't help their gender problems, but foisting their transsexualism on normal people is cruel. If it wasn't such a big deal, then why do so many of them feel ';it's no one's business!'; or ';it's my personal history';? Yes it is, until you start infilterating our personal heterosexual world.
Relationships are supposed to be built on trust and honesty. Not fantasy. ';I always felt like a girl, so by George: I was one! Nevermind the fact that my genetics and genitals (pre-op) say different! It's irrelevant!';
Amputating you penis and replacing it with a tunnel and forcing your body to undergo an artifical puberty through hormones is a BIG DEAL. Sewing up your vagina and having it replaced with a tube of skin is also a BIG DEAL. There are a few cis-people who don't have a problem with transsexuals and would in fact be delighted to hear this revelation of honesty from their potential lover. Like-wise, a cis-gendered person would be inclined to view a transsexual in a better light if they were upfront about what they are. A transsexual will always be a transsexual. You can't erase that you attempted to change your sex. (';Attempted'; because the chromosomes cannot be altered, neither can the bones. Internal male organs cannot be replaced with female ones and vice versa. All that can be done is by nature artifical).
If getting a sex-change is no big deal, then why do it in the first place? It's a HUGE deal. That's why people get angry when their potential lover tries to hide their transsexual status.
As long as we have dishonest transsexuals, we can expect transphobia to run rampant and sadly violent attacks to increase. Thankfully, most transsexuals can be identified on sight.
I agree with Diane.
My usual spiel:
Questions like these are always based in transphobia. It's clear from your question you do not respect the gender identity of transsexual people. In this case a transsexual woman.
A transsexual woman is a WOMAN who was born into a male body, but she was never a man. Her brain has always been female.
A transsexual man is a MAN who was born into a female body, but he was never a woman. His brain has always been male.
That's what transsexualism is, a brain-body mismatch. It is a rare birth condition and as such no choice is involved. A person transitions (aka ';sex change';) to fix this birth condition, to make the body match their brain. You can read a nice summary of current scientific thought in this regard here:
http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/T鈥?/a>
The only deception is happening in YOUR brain. We are just trying to be ourselves. You are the ones denying our gender identities.
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The problem is most of society is waaaayyyyy behind the science on this matter. They want to believe all the old stereotypes they've learned about transsexual people. And one of those is that we ';deceive'; people. As explained above that isn't happening at all. But that doesn't stop many people from acting on their transphobia by assaulting or killing us. The real question here is why can't people learn the truth? Why are they so stubborn about scientific truth?
In an effort to avoid getting killed transsexual people have come up with various strategies to cope with the dangerous, ignorant world we live in.
Many non-transsexual people like to advocate immediate disclosure of our private medical information. What they don't realize is this harkens back to Nazi Germany. Are they going to want us to go back to wearing pink triangles to (transsexual people were thought to be gay)?
http://www.thepinktriangle.com/history/s鈥?/a>
Immediate disclosure almost inevitably results in rejection. That shouldn't be surprising considering how ignorant our society is when it comes to transsexualism.
The next strategy is to wait until the person gets to know you a little bit. This way the non-transsexual person gets to learn that the negative stereotypes they learned growing up are wrong. Then it's a matter of will the person accept the truth that's in front of them or hold tight to the stereotypes and reject the truth. Sadly many people do the latter.
The next strategy is similar to the last: Disclose before having an intimate encounter. Sadly, again many people reject us.
The final strategy, which I do not advocate, is never disclosing. This option is often called ';stealth';. The problem is in today's information age the chances of remaining stealth forever, without becoming discovered, are quite small. It's like living in a very tight closet.
So now if you've read this far you can see the dilemma faced by transsexual people. Not as easy as you thought is it? Most people take a path somewhere in the middle. And it's has NOTHING to do with deception. It is about balancing safety and the ability to meet new people. As noted by others hundreds of us have been killed over the last 50 years.
http://www.gender.org/remember/day/index鈥?/a>
http://www.gender.org/remember/
Here鈥檚 a statistic that should rock your world:
Chances you will be murdered in your lifetime鈥? 1:18,000
The odds of a transsexual person being killed鈥︹€?1:12
Let that sink in and maybe you can understand why we are cautious.
We hope that in the future society will grow up and appreciate the diversity of life on this planet, including that within our own species. Transsexual people exist. It is not a choice, it is a birth condition.
Please respect the gender identities of ALL people.
There's no reason a transwoman must reveal a prior medical condition, it is entirely her choice.
However, since there is so much transphobia in society, it is a good idea to be honest about this before getting into a relationship.
Fear of rejection, fear of transphobia, fear of violence...
Cuz they're ****** dishonest scum! Not only are they ashamed of what they are - some of them don't even know what they are! That's why they see shrinks. I'd just like to go on record as saying I am an affirmed drag queen. I don't pretend I was born that way and I don't go psycho bi-atch when you call me HE. TRanssexuals aren't even half as pretty or as honest or as fun as we are! Men love us cuz we are what we are. I'm a man with too much fashion sense for 1 gender!
In simplest terms, a lie you tell yourself is a lie you can never finish telling.
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