How do you deal with a sudden gender change of a person you work with?

We have a person in our office of about 30 people that became more feminine over the course of about three months. One day he came to work totally made up as a woman, asked to be referred to as ';she'; and feminized his/her name. Even though I work in San Francisco, I found this really weird. I have to interact with ';her'; on a daily basis (a very homely 53 year old man). The bottom line is I am afraid of saying something inappropriate and getting in trouble at work (nothing intentionally hurtful, just careless, maybe). Anyone out ther had a similar problem and maybe have some tips?How do you deal with a sudden gender change of a person you work with?
Okay, anyhow. It's obvious you're just not sure what to do in the situation because you haven't been in it before. It can be a surprise when a coworker starts presenting themselves as their true gender. So, a few basics. :)



This coworker is a woman. Don't worry about how she was presenting herself before, because that gender wasn't really true. She's now presenting herself as the gender she identifies with, and she even told you what pronouns she wants used. So, you just have to make sure you use them. And if you slip up, just apologize and move on.



So, the easiest way to make sure you don't do anything carelessly harmful is to stop focusing on the trans part like you're doing now. It's not important. I mean the only reason why you know now is because you worked with her before. But if you were a new coworker you wouldn't know. So get into that mindset. Then your brain wouldn't be going through this difficulty.



And as a side note... who cares if she's homely? That doesn't even have anything to do with your concern! :) So she wasn't attractive to look at as a man, and you don't find her attractive to look at as a woman. That's great. It means nothing will get in the way of you two getting your work done. :)



You'll be fine. It's obvious you don't want to hurt her otherwise you wouldn't have asked the question. So you've already taken a step in the right direction. Now just keep going.How do you deal with a sudden gender change of a person you work with?
So, you're a homely woman, then?

Report Abuse

adress the person the way they wish to be addressed and treat them like a human being. don't get so caught up on the sex.
Rid yourself of your acquired bias and just view this co-worker as another soul trying to make his/her way in life. How could that possibly hurt you? Your ';discomfort'; is learned behavior. Unlearn it.
Mrs Garrison? Good luck man. Same happened to me but heshe had a good sense of humor about it and threatened to add herhis pills to the brownies heshe cooked. No one touched them except me. I always wanted a pair of hooters though. The worse was when heshe stood straight up and pulled hisher shirt tight and said ';god ripped me off in the boob department';. I about died.
As a transsexual, I would find it extremely offensive if someone continually referred to me in a manner I did not like.



Come on, would you like it if someone kept calling you a 75 year old woman even if you knew you weren't?



I think this problem stems from what people are expected to see everyday. It's not everyday that someone you know, and are around often changes drastically (in any way). You often don't want to change with them because of either a personal bias towards their new self, or a difficulty in seeing them completely different than you had all other times.



To answer your question, I would respect her wishes. Regardless of how she looks, you need to treat her as you would anyone else.



The way you refer to your co-worker here shows that you do not accept her change, or do not want to accept her change, and that's wrong. If anything, at least feel better knowing your making life a little easier for someone who is in for a hard trip ahead of them.
it's work there and nothing else. as time goes forward, there will be more and more people gaining the strength to be themselves and adjusting to it as well. think of the difficulty in that persons entire being and get past it all. she has made a decision and all you need to worry about is her name and her work.
he/she seems to have handled this badly. Just refer to her the way you would any other female. And whatever name she wants to be called by.



If she were smarter back when a he he should have gone to human resources which could have had a meeting to ease the office into this. too late for that now.



I'm sure she'll apprecieate you treating her as you would any other woman homely or not.



Luck
You're in a situation that is difficult for you. It's something that you have no experience in, and its natural to feel the way you do. The very fact that you are trying to do the right thing is a good sign that you'll do just fine with a little time.



It will take some getting used to. You have to forget that she was ever a man and simply use female pronouns when referring to her. With a little time it won't be that difficult.



As you get more comfortable with this co-worker, she will feel safe enough to tell you some stories about the problems she had in making this transition and how she will continue to struggle with it the rest of her life.
Just use the preferred name and pronouns. Also, ask the person how they are about jokes, etc. Some people can't take a joke while others can easily laugh at themselves. I've had to adjust my sarcasm depending on who I'm working with.
Simple, Every time you see him refer to him as Sweetie or my dear. This will make sure you never say anything wrong and will show that you respecting and even encouraging what they are doing. Ha Hah! Works for me.